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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604820">Losing You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveDevilKing/pseuds/LoveDevilKing'>LoveDevilKing</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lucifer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Heavy Angst, Post-Season/Series 04, Self-Harm, mild physical violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:48:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604820</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveDevilKing/pseuds/LoveDevilKing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer returns from Hell. Things might not go as expected.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chloe Decker &amp; Lucifer Morningstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Losing You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>In anticipation for Season 5 of Lucifer, I have been thinking about what might happen when Lucifer and Chloe reunite. I don't think it will be a happy one. How will Lucifer's time in Hell change him?  What will that mean for his relationship with Chloe?  This story was the result.  It is dark, really dark, so please pay attention to the tags for potential triggers. No characters die, but they will be hurt.</p><p>Rated Explicit because of the angst not for smut.</p><p>Thanks once again, SK_Kasai for reading my ramblings and making them clearer. Your efforts and suggestions were greatly appreciated. Any remaining error are entirely my fault.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chloe left the precinct and headed home. So many things had changed since Lucifer had left and her new house was one of them. Sometimes she had trouble believing he had been gone over a year.</p><p>She had been so devastated when he left. Of course, she knew why he did it. She even loved him more because of his selfless act, but that didn’t help ease the pain. Those first few weeks were a blur. She never knew she had that many tears to shed and she couldn’t stop the downward spiral she was caught up in.  Even Trixie’s well-being couldn’t shake her out of her depression. Thank God for Dan who had taken care of their little girl and allowed her time to grieve.</p><p>But it was Maze, of all people who helped her through everything. </p><p>Maze had been pissed. Not only did Lucifer leave her behind but Eve had left as well.  Apparently, the demon had put her heart out there and it had been crushed.  She swore it would never happen again and that was something Chloe understood. She knew from firsthand experience what it felt like to give so much of yourself to another person and have that person leave you behind. It was a torture worthy of Hell itself.</p><p>So, Maze and Chloe bonded over their mutual heartbreak with alcohol and clubbing mainly. For a while both were able to avoid dealing with their pain, but it couldn’t last.  One day, Chloe woke up and got hit by the realization that she couldn’t continue going on that way. She’d told Maze that they needed to find a better way to deal with their loss. She also had a daughter who needed her and who shouldn’t have to watch her mother fall apart.</p><p>When Chloe returned to work, she asked Maze to come with her.  Maybe channeling their energy into catching criminals would help.  Turns out, they made an outstanding team. Maze was an excellent tracker and while she was no Lucifer, she did get results.  No one would ever replace Lucifer as her partner, but she was glad she had Maze.</p><p>The demon turning out to be such an asset was the first of many surprises that had happened to her in the previous months. She had no idea he had made arrangements for the disposition of his assets to her if anything ever happened to him. Hence, to say that she had been surprised to receive a letter from Lucifer’s lawyer 3 months after he left would have been an understatement. However long he had these plans in place, he set them in motion before she found him on the balcony that night.</p><p>He had left Lux to Maze along with the Penthouse. He then had the firm sell off several of his cars and liquidate other properties around the world and use the proceeds to create Morningstar LLC, of which she was the majority shareholder.  He had also set up a trust fund for Trixie’s college and deeded the hill house to her. There was no way she could afford the house on her Detective’s salary but fortunately, Morningstar LLC took care of the taxes and insurance while she paid for water and utilities.</p><p>Now, she turned into the driveway and entered the passkey to open the gate. The house was really too big for just the two of them with 5 bedrooms and 4 baths, but she didn’t regret her decision to move. She was tired of regrets.</p><p>The back of the house faced southwest and had an incredible view of the city’s skyline. In fact, Chloe loved everything about the house because it reminded her of Lucifer.  Bigger than life and just as pretentious. Of course, Trixie loved it just because it had a pool.</p><p>She pulled into the three-car garage and turned off the engine.  Grabbing her purse and collecting the files she brought home, she shut the car door and headed into the house.  She didn’t look toward the cloth-draped item at the far end of the garage. An item the shape and size of a 1962 Corvette.</p><p>Chloe turned on the kitchen lights and dropped her things on the counter. She sorted through the mail even though most of the items were destined for the trash. It didn’t stop her from going through it anyway.  Tossing everything away, she pulled her ponytail out of its binding and headed toward the master bedroom to change into something more comfortable.</p><p>“Hello, Detective.”</p><p>Chloe froze, her whole-body standing stock still; her eyes riveted on the man sitting in the wingback chair by the fireplace.</p><p>Lucifer.</p><p>He had reached up to turn on the lamp beside the chair. He was in the same black suit he was wearing the night he left with a white shirt and red pocket square for a pop of color.  His legs were crossed and he was resting his elbows on the arm of the chair, fingers steepled in front of his face. The lamp caused half his face to be in light, half in shadow.</p><p>For one horrifying moment, she thought that she must be dreaming but then she blinked and he was still there. She smiled and rushed to him, happiness and relief surging in her chest.</p><p>“STOP!” he shouted and Chloe froze so suddenly it was as if her feet had turned to stone.</p><p>The terror she had felt when she first saw his face paled in comparison to what she was feeling now.  Her mind went blank and her breathing became ragged.  When he’d shouted, his eyes had flamed the deepest crimson and the power in his voice was unlike anything she had ever heard before, not even when he sent the demons home. It shook her to the very marrow of her bones. This was not Lucifer, not her Lucifer anyway.  No, this was the Adversary, the Prince of Darkness. The creature sitting before her was the true Lord of Hell.</p><p>Trembling so hard she wondered how she was still standing, she waited for him to do something, anything. However, he continued to stare at her like a predator watching its prey, analyzing her.  His eyes had returned to their more familiar dark brown but there was no life in them, no trace of compassion, no <em>humanity</em>. They were cold bits of black ice spearing her with their intensity as they traveled up and down her body.</p><p>“You are attractive, I suppose, but nothing special.” He finally spoke though his words were as cold as his eyes. It felt like a sucker punch to the gut but she still couldn’t tear her eyes away.</p><p>“I made an interesting discovery recently,” he continued, rising from the chair and walking over to the mini-bar. “Seems Cain is indeed a resident of my realm.  I wasn’t completely certain that he would muster up enough guilt to end up there, but he did.” He had made himself a drink and was casually leaning on the bar as he spoke.</p><p>”However, what surprised me most was that Charlotte was not part of his hell loop. You were.” He pointed his glass at her accusingly while his icy gaze never left her face. “I barely remembered you, so I watched for a while. Eventually, I decided to go in and have a little chat. He had some very interesting things to say.” </p><p>Chloe huffed a jagged breath. This was her greatest fear, that he would forget about her. She would have wept if she wasn’t so terrified. She just stood there, trembling, hoping she would get out of this alive.</p><p>“See, he told me this fascinating story about a human detective that could make the Devil bleed. I scoffed at his claims, but then I recalled that you, Detective, did shoot me and I bled.” He finished off his drink.</p><p>Chloe’s fear spiked. She thought that her heart was either going to burst out of her chest or stop entirely. Surely, no one could be this afraid and still live.</p><p>“But it was the reason he said you made me vulnerable that had me so intrigued. He claimed that I was in love with you.” he scoffed, dismissively. “As if I could ever care about Father’s little pets.” He spat out the last word.</p><p>Chloe’s mind was whirling. Maybe she could talk to him. She had been able to talk to him before, reach him on some level. Maybe she could do so again. Before she could think of anything to say, he resumed his rant.</p><p>“Then I remembered something else, something that explains it all. Of course, you know what I’m talking about, don’t you?” He began walking toward her until he was close enough to touch her. He didn’t though. Instead, he merely whispered in her ear, “It’s because you’re a miracle, isn’t it? Put in my path for one of my Father’s petty games.”</p><p>She cringed away from him as he got closer. “Please, Lucifer. Stop,” she cried, her voice weak.</p><p>He chuckled deep in his throat, a cold merciless sound that sent a shiver down her spine.  She had closed her eyes and now she could feel his breath on her neck as he leaned even closer.  She heard him take in a long deep breath before he spoke again.</p><p>“Your fear is intoxicating. Oh, the fun I could have with you.” Hearing those words in the voice she knew as well as her own nearly had her collapsing to the floor.  To her immense relief, he moved away and came to stand in front of her.</p><p>“I decided to come up top to test a little theory.” He took the glass in his hand and raised it up until it was eye level between them.  “If I break this glass and bleed, then it is because you are a miracle. I can then kill you and send you back to Father. I’ve already killed one human so what’s another? But if I don’t… well, then perhaps Cain’s assertions have merit.”</p><p>She opened up her mouth to say something, to try to stop him when he broke the glass. She jumped at the sound.</p><p>He did not bleed.</p><p>The shattered pieces dropped to the floor. Lucifer studied his hands, amused.</p><p>“Well, well, well, seems like Cain may have been correct. See, I feel no love for you now,” he said with contempt, showing her his unblemished hands. “I mean, I may have cared-” he shuddered when he said the word as if it was physically painful to say, “- in a moment of weakness so long ago, but no more.” He turned away from her and strolled toward the doors to the patio, hands in his pockets.</p><p>When he turned his back on her, Chloe’s eyes darted around the room looking for something to use as a weapon.  If only she had her gun on her.</p><p>“Was that Father’s plan?” he asked her, suddenly turning around. “Was that the reason he made you? So, I would learn to love his pathetic little creatures?  Well, the joke’s on him, isn’t it?” he laughed without an ounce of humor. “Because you see, I… could never… love… a human.”  With each word, he stepped closer and closer to her until he was towering over her small frame again.</p><p>The sound of flesh hitting flesh rang out in the quiet house.  Chloe had no idea what had come over her and she had no conscious thought to strike him, but she had. Her hand was numb; it had felt like striking a boulder.</p><p>Lucifer’s head snapped back when her hand connected with his face. He growled and rounded on Chloe, eyes flaming. He reared back his right hand in order to strike her when a pulse of white light flared from the ring he always wore.</p><p>Lucifer screamed and clutched his hand to his chest. He stumbled back from her trying to remove his ring, cursing. At least Chloe thought it was cursing since she didn’t understand what he was saying. She didn’t understand what was happening either. The detective could only stand in mute horror as she watched him fall to the floor in agony. Her first instinct was to run away from him or toward him, she wasn’t exactly sure. Still, before she could do either, he made a fist and slammed it into the marble floor.</p><p>What happened next seemed to happen in slow motion.</p><p>A blinding white light exploded in the room and a concussive wave of energy flung Lucifer across the room until he hit the fireplace. The mirror on the wall and several bricks exploded on impact before he crumbled to the floor. Chloe was pushed backwards. She slid across the living room floor until she slammed against the front door. The windows in the sliding glass doors leading to the patio also exploded in a shower of broken glass. Her ears were left ringing.</p><p>Several minutes went by as she lay there stunned. Finally, she scrambled up and ran into the kitchen to get her gun.  Once she had it in her hands, she crept up to the prone figure of Lucifer still crumbled on the floor.  She didn’t know if bullets could hurt him now but it made her feel better.</p><p>“Get up!” she commanded, keeping the gun trained on his still form. She was unaware of the hot tears running down her face. “Lucifer!” she shouted, kicking his leg to gain his attention. “Up! Now!”</p><p>A groan emitted from him.</p><p> He was alive then. He’d survived… whatever that had been.</p><p>“You need to leave.” Chloe told him, “Right now, Lucifer. Get out!”</p><p>“Chl… Chloe?” he rasped, blinking.</p><p>“Don’t move or I’ll shoot.” She was still so frightened she wasn’t making any sense.</p><p>“Detective, please!” he groaned, pleading.</p><p>Her heart gave a lurch at the tone of his voice.</p><p>Lucifer never begged. In all the time she knew him there was only one time she could remember when he begged her for something in that exact same voice; when she first saw his scars and went to touch them. She couldn’t afford to think about that now.</p><p>“Chloe, I’m going to sit up now,” he informed her, slow and cautious, “You can keep the gun pointed at me, but I swear I will not hurt you.”</p><p>“I… I don’t believe you, Lucifer,” she hated how her voice quivered and her hands shook.  She wasn’t sure she would be able to hit him, even at this distance, with how badly she was shaking.</p><p>Lucifer sat up and leaned back against the ruined fireplace. He looked up at her and she saw a glimpse of the man she once knew. But what if it was a trick?  She couldn’t let her guard down. She tightened her grip on the gun.</p><p>“How long?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“How long was I gone?” His memories were disjointed and confusing at first but with every passing minute, they became clearer; especially the ones from this evening. </p><p>“Over a year.” She stated, keeping the gun pointed at him. “But you need to leave now.” She was glad her voice no longer wavered.  She had to get a grip on her emotions because she had to get him to leave. She couldn’t risk him still being there when Trixie got home.</p><p>“That long?” He shook his head and looked down at his right hand. The black stone looked to be shattered, most likely from when he punched the floor. “It worked,” he sighed, speaking more to himself than to her, “though I didn’t know it would work so well.”</p><p>“What… what are you talking about?”</p><p>“When I returned to Hell, I knew I had to do something with the feelings I had for you, the love I felt.”  He stopped and looked at her tenderly, so much like the old Lucifer that it was unfair.</p><p>Chloe tried to resist but her traitorous heart had other ideas and she started to lower her gun.</p><p>“I knew Hell would taint it. Corrupt it. Use it against me if it could. Nothing of love or tenderness can survive there and I had to protect it. Shelter it and keep it safe. I couldn’t lose you, so I found a way.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Lucifer walked into his private quarters of his residence in Hell. The palace was designed so that no creature, save an Angel, could gain access.  That was unless Lucifer himself brought them there, but that was not what he needed tonight. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He made his way into what would be considered a workshop.  Bits of weaponry forged in Hell for the many revolts he had had to battle over the years were strewn over the table. Blades, chains and various items of dubious use were kept in this room. He stripped off his clothing and sat before an old oval mirror mounted to the wall. The mirror was pitted in places but it would still serve his purpose.  He stared at his reflection and watched as he changed into his infernal form. He would need that form for what he had planned. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Taking a blade from the shelf, he brought it to his chest, pressing down on it with a force that was not deep enough to kill but efficient enough to pierce his skin and cut it. He sliced down his sternum and across his chest underneath his ribs. Gasping against the pain, he used his left hand to open the wound until he could see his heart beating in his chest. Using a pair of nippers, he reached in until he was able to snip off a piece of his heart. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The sample was no bigger than a pea but it would do. He placed it in a crucible and wiped his hand down his chest, muttering a string of syllables as he went until the wound closed up. It would take a few days to completely heal but at least the bleeding had stopped. He took a moment and put his head in his hands to gather his strength. He would need it for the next part. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He placed his right hand over the crucible and concentrated on remembering everything about his time on Earth and the people he left there. He thought about Linda, Amenadiel and his nephew. He thought about Ms. Lopez and even Daniel and how much he would miss them all. He thought about Lux and how it felt to play and sing to a captivated audience. He remembered the night sky and the freedom of driving along the coast highway in the Corvette. With each memory, the crucible glowed brighter; first as a dull amber, progressing into a glowing red. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lastly, he thought of Chloe. His Detective. He thought about her voice, her smile, the color of her eyes, and the feeling of her hair tickling his cheek. He remembered how her skin felt under his hand and the taste of her lips. But the memory that tore a pain-infused roar from his throat and turned the crucible into a blinding white, held three little words. Words more precious for their simplicity. Words he never expected to hear. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I love you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The very fabric of Hell trembled at the sound of its master’s cry. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Afterwards, he resumed his angelic form and slumped over attempting to catch his breath, but he wasn’t quite finished. Turning the bowl upside down, a white jewel fell out; similar to a diamond and shining with an inner light. Using other tools at hand, he secured the gem in his ring. He sat back and surveyed his handiwork. He felt… nothing and that was good. Getting up, he placed the ring back on his hand and left the room. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I thought I would only need to be there for a short time and I could reverse the process, but I underestimated how far Hell had deteriorated while I was away.” He had not made a move to leave the floor during his long, tortuous tale. “Weeks, turned into months, turned into years... centuries.  Eventually, I forgot what the jewel meant. I succeeded in hiding the memories from Hell.” He looked back down at his hand.  “I ended up hiding them from myself as well.” </p><p>Chloe had lowered her gun until it hung by her side. She was still shaking. She couldn’t tell if it was from the adrenaline rush or from the cold air breezing in through the broken remains of her windows. She remained where she was, lost in the visions and images his words had created.</p><p>When Lucifer moved to stand, Chloe trained her gun on him once more. If he so much as twitched in her direction, she would shoot. However, he only raised his hands in surrender as he managed to get up. He didn’t make any attempt to get closer to her.</p><p>“I am sorry, Detective. You are right. I should leave,” his voice contrite. “I will never bother you again.” </p><p>He looked toward the patio, judging how he could leave her without approaching her or frightening her more when Chloe let out a choked sob. He looked back at her. Her hands were shaking once more and another painful sob tore itself from her throat.</p><p>“Detective?”</p><p>“You… your hands.” She was finding it difficult to speak past the tears choking her. “You’re bleeding.”</p><p>He looked down at his hands and turned them over.  He had several cuts on his palms and one large gash below his right thumb.  Looking down, he saw blood glistening on several pieces of the broken mirror littering the floor. Before he could say a word, he suddenly had an armful of Detective.</p><p>After he stood, Chloe watched in fascination as a drop of blood welled up on Lucifer’s hands before dropping to the floor. Blood from cutting his fingers and palm on the sharp edge of the mirror fragments. He was bleeding because he was vulnerable again. Because he loved again; loved her again.</p><p>Throwing her gun to the floor, she flung herself at Lucifer, wrapping her arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder.  She couldn’t stop the tears now that they had begun to fall. Chloe was holding on to him so hard her hands ached for days afterwards. </p><p>When she first launched herself at him, he had been surprised, stumbling back a few steps. But then his arms circled her and held her body close to his chest. He didn’t care that she was crying on his suit. It was ruined anyway.  Holding her was the greatest thing in the world at that moment. He buried his face in her hair, sighing.</p><p>“Chloe, Chloe, darling… It’s alright… I’m here and I love you. I love you. I have always loved you.” he repeated over and over again until she seemed to finally calm down. She didn’t release him though, perhaps afraid that he would disappear. Truth be told, he was afraid of the same thing.</p><p>Soon, her sobs subsided and she released her desperate hold on him. She moved back until she could look at his face.  She couldn’t take her eyes off him and ran her hands over his face before moving to his chest; trying to convince herself that he was real and back with her.</p><p>“There, there, love.” he crooned, stroking her face and neck.</p><p>“I missed you so much,” she said quietly, her voice breaking, tears threatening to spill over again.</p><p>“And I you, Chloe.” He was staring at her, tracing every feature of her face with his eyes. He ran the back of his knuckles across her cheeks, wiping away the remains of her tears before tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. She felt as soft and warm as he remembered. Finally, he rested his forehead against hers and simply took her in.</p><p>There was so much she wanted to say; so much she wanted to ask... but all of that could wait. There were others who would want to know he was back too, but right now, at this moment, it was just the two of them, trapped in a world of their own creation.  She tilted her head back and gazed at him once more. As if by instinct, both leaned in, closer and closer, until their lips met.</p><p>For Chloe, it felt like finally waking up from a long, long slumber. Almost as if her life had been on hold until this moment.</p><p>For Lucifer, it was far simpler; it felt like home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not sure if this story is finished yet.  I will have to wait to see how my muse inspires me.  In these uncertain times I was glad that it had a hopeful ending.  We can all use a little hope.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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